Hey, this is fun! What else can I do with my pee? What’s the gold standard here, so to speak?
We make urine. We don’t even think about it, our bodies just do it. The bonus is that urine has so many potential purposes. To wit…
. Worse come to worse, and this is pretty bad, we can use fresh urine to clean open wounds.
. In cases of heatstroke, the U S Army Field Manual recommends dousing the victim with urine. Which is to say, pee on him. Or pee on some kind of cloth and put that on the victim’s body. Or rather, pee on some kind of cloth and put that on the patient’s body. I should point out at this moment that in first aid and rescue circles we use the term “patient” rather than “victim.” More hopeful.
Further, the Manual is clear: Urine is on the DO NOT drink list. So is seawater and blood. I’m pleased they added the part about the blood.
. After the German chlorine gas attacks during the first World War, allied troops were supplied with masks of cotton pads that had been soaked in urine. The theory was that the ammonia from the urine in the pad would neutralize the chlorine. What are you guys, crazy!? This was a very bad strategy.
Ammonia and chlorine? Breathe the vapors from this mixture and your eyes will water, your throat and nose will burn, you’ll cough and probably have difficulty breathing. You may experience chest pain, fluid will fill your lungs and you will commence to vomiting. Heck, you just might die. Reminds me of a first date I once had.
. During World War I, the Vickers machine gun favored by the British Army heated up so much it would require dousing to reduce dangerous temperatures. If water wasn’t available — you guessed it — urine was used to, as they say, cool their guns.
. You can find streaming video on line where you can watch idiots drink their urine. “Streaming video.” Get it?
. Back in the days when we identified the year with negative numbers, there were fads of urophagia. It was considered to be healthy; claims were that drinking urine could whiten teeth and improve your own flowing life force. Uh-huh. You could say that if you drink from your own cistern, urine would refresh your chi, or life force. I would never say that.
. The French word for urine is urine. Yes it is. Oui oui. Get it?
. Flushing every time you use the toilet is for the city, where water is invisibly routed into your home in unlimited quantity and ready at any moment to lay waste to waste, with a flick of a handle. You can pee into that vessel and with a simple tug on a handle it all goes away, along with a fair amount of otherwise clean water. Not so, out in the non-linear world. Water is often too precious to just flush it away. So here is a poem to help us remember when to flush when visiting, say, a campground…