December 2015
Giving the gift of weapons to your niece’s young daughter and son may be a bit dicey.
First, not knowing how my niece, the Squirt (her nickname that only I may use) feels about toy weapons, I ask her, “Can we bring two lightsabers into your home, y’know, as gifts for the kids?
She says, “Yes, but I’ll be playing with them so much, the kids will be jealous. Let’s do it.”
It’s important to this narrative to identify these weapons. Think Star Wars, and there you are. In the movies, lightsabers are weapons so powerful they can cut a person into two parts with one swipe.
It’s a long drive to get to my niece’s home in New England so the logical way to travel is to fly. Which brings up a new issue. Weapons so powerful they can cut a person into two parts with one swipe are frowned upon by the Transportation Security Administration, the agency sworn to “protect the nation’s transportation systems to ensure freedom of movement for people and commerce.” Especially on their airplanes.
With the possibility of a flight looming, I sent this query to the airline who referred me to TSA. I wrote…
“We have two lightsabers (gifts for the niece and nephew) that may break if we put them into a checked bag. While we are aware that they are used as a weapon in the movie, in real life, they are plastic toys. Can we check them through and bring them onboard?”
I heard back from TSA in a timely manner. Most of their reply had to do with legal statements and watch-out-fors and regardless-of-what-we-tell-you-we-may-change-our-minds, all with a very “Don’t mess with us” vibe. I had the undeniable realization that I might be taking quite of a chance asking if I could bring a weapon on board, even though it’s a toy.
TSA suggested I go to their What Can I Bring website. I entered “lightsaber” in the search field. Not surprisingly, I came up with nothing. Lightsabers, as we know, don’t exist in real life. Yet.
Through various lines of questioning and trying the airline again, I learned that, yes, I could bring these items onto the aircraft but I would have to put them in the forward closet for the duration. That was fine as I assumed I wouldn’t be needing them on the flight.
But wait. As I edit this column a couple years after the incident, this happens…
For the heck of it, I go to the What Can I Bring website and enter “lightsaber” into the search field. Here is the response…
Light Saber
• Carry On Bags: Yes
• Checked Bags: Yes
They add this note…
“Sadly, the technology doesn’t currently exist to create a real lightsaber. However, you can pack a toy lightsaber in your carry-on or checked bag. May the force be with you.”
Seriously, the Transportation Security Administration, that stodgy branch of the United States Government, wishes me, “May the force be with you.”
It all works out for the best. After removing the batteries as instructed by the airline, we transport our mythical weapons on an airplane, give them to the kids and leave before there are any fights to see who could play with it next, my niece, or her kids.
After returning home a week later, I receive this message from my niece. “You get an enthusiastic thank you from both of them.”
I say, “Good. I’m glad they are fighting.”