Amargosa Valley
Nevada
March 2019
We’ve been almost a week in Death Valley National Park in southern California. Leaving this strange and somewhat unfathomable land, hot, dry and low, we drive east to Death Valley Junction, a “town” with an official population of four. 4. One, two, three, four.
We were surprised by how few critters we saw while touring the canyons, salt flats and mountains of Death Valley. Along our driving route, just north of Death Valley Junction barely across the California/Nevada state line, we see enough wildlife to last us a long time, all in one creature.
This Big Bovine of the Desert… Well, let me paraphrase an unnamed source…
You wouldn’t expect to see a cow like this in the desert unless there’s a casino involved, which there is. The steaks are high.
Twenty-three minutes north and it’s time for lunch. It’s Hunter’s Grub ’N Go in Amargosa for us. These gentlemen greet us as we enter…
We dig in to our chicken wings and quesadilla. The decor is okay, service is okay, food is okay, pricing is okay.
Okay.
What is this? It’s just outside adjacent to Hunter’s parking lot. If I had to guess, and I don’t, I would say it is a jail with a gallows!
Let’s cross the street.
My brother Steve once explained to me that paying for sex is not nearly as expensive as when you get it for free.
Nevada is the one American state where you can legally pay for sex. To the best of my knowledge, my brother has never been to Nevada.
Also Nevada is the home of the Nevada Test Site, where between 1951 and 1992, the U S Department of Energy conducted more than 900 nuclear tests. It is now called the Nevada National Security Site and this is where the Air Force tests secret aircraft. And bombs.
In fact, a number of names have been attached to the test grounds… Homey Airport, Groom Lake, Groom Dry Lake, Dreamland, Paradise Ranch and Restricted Area 4808 North. A favorite is Area 51.
Not unexpectedly, given this carnival of bomb testing, Nevada is home to many reported UFO and alien sightings.
I don’t mention these two topics absentmindedly, sex and UFOs. We seem to have a fascination with both, don’t we.
The sign says it all, doesn’t it? I mean, look at that. An alien with boobs.
There are 21 registered bordellos in Nevada but this is the only one that bills itself as an alien-themed brothel. The idea of the “Alien Cathouse” no doubt comes from the fact that we are just spitting distance from the Area 51 test site, the highly classified U S Air Force facility where… well, I can’t tell you what they do there. In addition to the admitted nuclear tests, rumors have to do with UFOs, alien contact, flying saucers, physics-defying aerial phenomena and everyone’s favorite, anal probes.
They also have a gift shop.
Behold a few tasty tidbits concerning these brothels.
. The most frequently requested fantasy outfit is Princess Leia.
. The person who schedules appointments is called the “Hooker Booker.”
. Another brothel, the Moonlite BunnyRanch is off the highway at exit 69 where another sign reads…
SPEED LIMIT
69
just kidding — 35
. The private rooms have whimsical names such as “Atlantis Fantasy” and “Holodeck,” among others. One of my favorites is the “Alien Abduction and Probing Room.” Good times. Another fave of mine is the “Pussy Powder Room,” the lavatory for the women who work here. Open the door and you can’t help but notice that the entire room and everything in it is pink: the sink, the toilet, a table stand, the walls and ceiling, the towels. It has the name it has because, y’know, it’s pink on the inside.
You never know what you might see here in this corner of Nevada. Eh?
