Myakka River State Park
Florida
February 2002
Here we are on the Myakka River State Park on the Gulf coast of Florida. We’re on a five-day backpack trip.
To get here we drive across the broad peninsula of the Sunshine State on a highway ribbon called Alligator Alley. We are treated to sightings of crane, egret, pelican, stork, cormorant, ibis, a grasshopper about the size of a Rambler, and a host of other flying and creeping critters. Not one damned alligator.
As we enter Myakka Park, we encounter a number of warning signs concerning these alleged alligators. We are instructed not to tease them. Tease them? Why in the world would I think of teasing something that has teeth the size of my liver?
Other signs follow, from the gentle…
ALLIGATORS ARE PRESENT IN THIS AREA
To the slightly more dire…
CAUTION — ALLIGATOR HABITAT
And the wide-ranging…
FEEDING, ENTICING OR MOLESTING
ALLIGATORS IS PROHIBITED
Um, exactly how would I entice an alligator? Wear a flowered hat? Dress like a turtle? Wave bacon at it? N’wait, that might actually work.
Our favorite sign is this one…
ALLIGATOR MATING SEASON
IF ATTACKED, FAKE ORGASM
Practical advice under any circumstances.
Vultures share this park with the alligators. Here’s another informative message, this for the Cathartidae…
I EAT RUBBER! WINDSHIELD WIPERS,
WINDOW SEALS AND VINYL ROOFS —
YUM, YUM, EAT-EM-UP!
There is more to Myakka River State Park than entertaining signs. Backpacking here allows us to do something we have never done before and that is to chase an armadillo around our campsite. We chase him with a camera until he gets tired and leaves.
You may have heard that Florida is flat. Myakka is 58 square miles of wide wetlands and swampy prairie with essentially no hills or change in altitude. This means that when it rains, the water just kind of stays there. You need variety in the terrain for drainage and that just isn’t happening here. Around this place, “drainage” is a concept you read about in a travel book. The water will eventually soak into the ground but we’re in an Everglades-like environment so it’s an interminable process. We hike much of our trip in boot-deep water.
We happen to see a park ranger at the end of our trip. My companion complains to the ranger, “You should do something about the drainage here. All the trails were covered with water. Our boots are soaked.”
Friendly as can be, low key, the ranger says to her, “Well, ma’am, those are canoe trails.”
